Welcome to Twin Peaks

I decided to visit North Bend, Washington, where the TV show "Twin Peaks" was filmed, around 2013. I checked into this creepy, old motel where I met the night watchman. He was a heavy-set man, probably around 60, with an accent that screamed one of New York City's boroughs—Brooklyn or Queens, perhaps. He asked me what I was doing in North Bend.

"I’m on a Twin Peaks pilgrimage," I told him.

"Pshh, Twin Peaks, huh?" he responded skeptically.

"Yeah, it’s my favorite," I said.

"Eh, that show was dumb. Was never a fan. Made no sense," he retorted. I laughed it off, grabbed my key, and headed to my room.

Fast forward to 2016, I found myself stopping in North Bend again. There he was, the same Twin Peaks-hating night watchman. He didn't remember me. I didn’t expect him to, was kind of glad he didn’t. The conversation took the same turn, "What brings you into town?"

"Big fan of Twin Peaks," I replied.

This time, his face lit up. "Oh, Twin Peaks, I love that show! It's amazing. Changed my life," he exclaimed.

"Really? You love Twin Peaks?" I asked in surprise.

"Who doesn’t?! ... Let me tell you, they were in town shooting, and I got to meet a lot of the cast and crew," he said.

"Wow, that is awesome!" I responded.

He interrupted, "But I will say, David Lynch was kind of a butthole."

"Really? How so?" I inquired.

He looks deep into the distance beyond my head,
"There was this milkshake ice cream joint down the road. People were saying David Lynch was in there, so I go in. I says to him, 'David, you gotta hear me out. I got some fantastic frickin' ideas for this Twin Peaks you're making.' I told him a bunch of my ideas, good ones mind you, and you know what he does?! He doesn't even respond to me. He just looks straight forward and keeps drinking his god damn milkshake. I was spinning him gold, and he just blows me off. Unbelievable," he recounted.

I laughed, but he looked at me, hurt, and said in a softer, almost mourning tone, "David Lynch is a butthole."

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